Dear Sha-Pink Fans,
It has recently come to our attention that a grave situation exists that threatens the very survival of humanity. No, we're not talking about terrorism or global warming, we refer to nothing less than total interdimensional warfare brought about by the unbridled ambition and carelessness of the scientific community.
Doctor Edward Mantill was a celebrated and well respected physicist working for CERN on experiments conducted at their Large Hadron Collider facility in Europe. On or about June 13th, 2016, Dr. Mantill was found dead in his office from a self inflicted gunshot wound. Before taking his own life, Dr. Mantill burned all of his research papers in his office trash can and wiped his computer of all data … save one lone text file.
In this text file, Dr. Mantill described in great detail a highly secretive experiment that he and several of his peers were involved in. This experiment, conducted at the ATLAS research node of the LHC, resulted in three distinct discoveries: 1) The ability to see people, places, and things anywhere in the universe, 2) The ability to time travel, and 3) The ability to open gateways to parallel universes.
Unfortunately, closing gateways to parallel universes was a discovery they did not make.
We, the people of Earth, are being kept uninformed about these events by a global cabal of scientists, government officials, the military, and rich bankers. Even now as we go about our daily lives, the military powers of the world are at war with legions of interdimensional creatures pouring through fissures in the time-space continuum created by the ATLAS experiment.
The armies of the parallel universe are vast, well armed, well coordinated, and perfectly methodical. They will show no mercy and will leave no survivors. They will not stop until they've conquered our home, the Earth.
It is only a matter of time before the war reaches you!
When that day comes, when you're called upon to defend yourself, your family, your planet, and your universe, Sha-Pink offers this singular but critical piece of advice:
Don't be a Tom Cruise.
Good luck and God bless.
C+P 2017 ROBERTSON/SACCOMAN - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED